FACE TO FACE COUNSELLING          TELEPHONE COUNSELLING          ONLINE COUNSELLING          COACHING          AGONY AUNT

Face to Face

Face to Face counselling is when the client has an opportunity to meet and to know the counsellor in person. The client will also get to know where the counsellor operates from. This is an important deciding factor for the client to make a decision whether to work with the counsellor or not. In this type of counselling the client will have to sign a contract with the counsellor.

Face to face  counselling works really well in counselling individuals, couples, or in a group situation. The counsellor is able to observe all the movements, cues or facial expressions that the client is making. The counsellor will intervene and give feedback to the client, accordingly. This helps the client to be aware of what is going on within themselves at that particular time and is a useful helping tool in the counselling process.

Please feel free to contact me. Make an appointment to see me in person and let your troubles ebb away.

 

Telephone Counselling

Telephone counselling is a very good form of communication for clients who are unable to meet with the counsellor face to face due to various reasons, such as geographical constraints. Some clients prefer to remain anonymous during their counselling period, or may not wish to meet face to face with their counsellor. It is an excellent service for disabled people, carers and those who are house bound but need to talk to someone.

Telephone counselling helps the client to open up or divulge their feelings sooner than later as compared to face to face counselling. Clients can choose to have counselling in the comfort of their own homes and can be counselled at their own convenience. A verbal contract can be agreed regarding the counselling times and methods of payment. The only disadvantage is that the counsellor does not see the client's facial or body expressions and vice versa.

Don't suffer in silence, please ring me and let's talk about it. You will be surprised how quickly you get it off your chest!

 

Online Counselling

Online counselling is a fast growing form of counselling due to fast growing use of technology as most of us have access to the internet. This service is also suitable for people with busy lives, high profile clients such as doctors, judges or even celebrities who do not not wish to be seen seeking or going for counselling. This type of clientele will feel more in control and less intimidated by the counsellor. They are able to seek counselling at a time more convenient to them, take time to write down what their issues are, without ‘beating about the bush’. The Online or E- mail service is more focused and straight to the point.

Online counselling enables the counsellor to have time and think through what to say to the client before replying to the client. A deep counselling relationship between the client is formed quicker enabling  the client to deal with their issues much quicker. It is also ideal for young people who find it difficult accessing mental health orgnisations, people with mobility issues, or people living in a geographical area where travel may be restricted or are house bound due to caring responsibilities or have a disability.

The client can access their computer in the comfort of their own home at an arranged time with the counsellor. A contract can be exchanged between the counsellor and the client regarding counselling times and payments. Skype is also available for people wishing to use this service.

Do you feel embarrassed about talking in person with a counsellor? Simple...Why not click away and send me an e-mail and express all your feelings without leaving your comfort zone. Why not try it.....

Please note that it is not advisable for clients to access online counselling using computer or any other online access equipment that belongs to their employers without consent. Employers may monitor your computer trails and have every right to impose disciplinary action or prosecute. As a Client, you will also need to be proactive as to who you share your computer with.

For health and safety reasons, the client's wellbeing is paramount. We therefore take consideration for breaks away from your screen during online counselling sessions. This is discussed and agreed during the assessment session. In times where there is a communication breakdown or a ‘black hole effect’, where there is failure in the online connection steps will be taken to text each other in order to communicate and resume connection or make further arrangements.

However, there are times when online counselling may not be suitable for some clients. In the event where the counsellor feels the client is not suitable, this will discussed with the client in order to establish a suitable form of counselling, and in such cases the client may be referred to a face to face counsellor near them.

Coaching

Coaching is a process of empowering someone to do something they have always aspired to do but do not have the belief or confidence to do it by themselves. That is when coaching comes in useful. It is very similar to counselling but the only difference is that the coach will prompt the client by asking probing questions and giving the client 'to do' things like 'home-work'. The coach will set realistic and achievable goals for the client to meet in given timescales. This service can either be done online or by telephone. We also provide group sessions in coaching for corporate companies or small organisations.

Sometimes, clients may emerge with feelings that may suit counselling rather than coaching. At this point it would be in our best interest to be referred on to another counselling provider as, it will be unethical for any counsellor in our organisation to take them up for counselling.

Would you like us to help you break the cycle of obstacles or obstructions in your big dreams and goal settings? So that you can live the dream and acquire true happiness and live the true purpose? We at Agape can help you achieve this and would like you to see succeed!

Group Counselling

Group counselling is also a good tool in a group setting as where other clients meet up to share similar problems. Normally facilited by at least two counsellors, the group is expected to sign a contract and adhere to strict confidentiality issues. People who also benefit are those such as domestic violence victims, sexual abuse victims or those suffering from illnesses such as eating disorders or Hiv /Aids. This type of counselling relieves the client of feelings of being alienated that they are suffering alone. There is the opportunity to meet other people who have gone through the troubles, but have not been able to tell anyone due to embarrassment or fear. The end result is ‘a problem shared is a problem halved.’

So why not make an appointment with me, and meet other people in same the situation and talk about same issues and experiences without suffering on your own.

Agony Aunt Services

Hello!...I think everyone needs a shoulder to cry on from time to time. Who does't need an Agony Aunt with our busy lifestyles and endless problems? You have come to one! This service is one where the client may need to solve a problem as quickly as possible without necessarily needing counselling. There are free Agony Aunt services out there, but what makes this one unique?

Well, I am patient and have remarkable experience through counselling. With a fair share of life experiences and a good sense of humour, I will offer an enriched service with empathy and passion. I am straight to the point and willing to help solve your problems as quickly as possible. The approach  I take is to deal with problems  with compassion and sensitivity in a professional manner. All problems have solutions and they need not be agonising. 

Have a burning issue that needs sorting out? I must warn you, I do not mince my words :)...Please drop me an e-mail.

Remember, this service is not for clients with psychological issues! It is a service for people who need solid advice- And you must be 18 years or over to use this service.

Addictions

Misuse of substances is becoming a huge problem in western society as illicit drugs and alcohol are readily available on the cheap and make it possible for all ages, genders and ethnic groups to misuse. Historically, substance misuse was particularly related to males in relation to alcohol abuse, and gambling.

While eating disorders and self harming are always linked to females, alcohol abuse and other addictions attributes are on the rise and so is there is a rise in problems in social and mental wellbeing for the people abusing drugs or alcohol.

Sexual addiction, a compulsion and dependency commonly misinterpreted as one with a sex drive. It is a serious problem as the person feels out of control of their sex urges and seeks to engage in sexual activity in spite of the repercussions in their personal, social and work lives.

Common practices for someone would be sexual addiction problems, anonymous sex with strangers, prostitution, porn telephone sex and voyeurism.

Types of addiction

Alcohol abuse
Eating disorders
Obsessive compulsive disorders
Gambling
Self harming
Smoking
Sexual addiction

Causes

Just as alcoholics drink to drown their sorrows, drug users take drugs to numb their psychological pain, the gambler looks forward to their win, the sex addicts behave in the way they do to fill the emptiness in them.

Consequences

Anxiety
Guilt
Regret
Remorse
Shame

Effects

Communities are destroyed or tarnished
Debt issues- on individuals themselves, their families, their friends
Massive financial burden to the National Health Service(NHS)
Premature death
Break down in relationships due to domestic violence and sexual abuse

Treatment

 The victims may already be on pharmacological treatments such as antidepressants, appetite enhancing drugs or appetite suppressants and smoke nicorates. In order for the victim to change the behaviour they need to come to the realisation that the addictive behaviour is a problem. Labelling people with an
addiction as an ‘addict’ or ‘user’ can hinder the person’s progress to change in dealing with their mental state.

Person-centred therapy will help the patient by treating the issue in a sensitive way by way of being empathic, genuine and respectful with their issues. Counselling approaches cognitive behavioural therapy, group therapy, and psychodynamic therapies.

Are you ready, and confident enough to stop the pain of addiction? I will help you to be aware of the underlying dynamic process that is causing you to have an addictive behaviour.
     

Anger Management

So why do we get angry? Anger is an emotion in motion. It can also be described as a flame which sparks, leaps, flickers and eventually dies down. To most of us it brings up fearful and unpleasant images usually associated with violence, abuse, hurt and destruction. It is a feeling of various emotions such as mood swings, annoyance, displeasure, fear, guilt, hurt or a feeling of unworthiness.

Why get angry?

It can be caused by various reasons so simple, such as losing someone whether through bereavement or a breakdown of a relationship. It can also be a failure in fulfilling a desire or just being let down by people, most of all the ones we love most. Don't be fooled to think that anger is a bad thing. All the good anger, or emotion of feeling fear, guilt or unworthiness can be positive in that all these feelings can make us achieve what we want. These emotions can be like a rough diamond crying out to be cut and become priceless!

Kinds of anger

Anger, therefore can be negative as well as positive. It is not easy to remember the positive anger today as many people always remember the bad anger as opposed to the healthy anger. The negative anger can be suppressing and when felt and the person continues abuse by taking out frustration to the closest and dearest, or those least able to defend themselves. 'How dare you! Or, point a finger at someone with a clenched mouth.

Causes

When faced with bereavement or divorce, instead of grieving properly, we become angry and get stuck in depression. The bad or unhealthy anger, is one that makes us feel guilty, leading us to make half-hearted promises -'I  will  never to do it again' . Whether it is to those we love or people we have known for a long time. Repetitive and out of control outbursts of rages are signs of one losing control of their emotions.

Treatment

Prolonged mis-management of anger can lead to addiction, depression, obsessions such as jealousy and phobias. Knowing that your anger is out of control is the time to seek help. This is when it seems anger is taking over your life instead of you taking control of it. It maybe time to seek help in anger management. I can help you talk about your thoughts and feelings as well as your behaviour. Person- centred  therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), can help turn negative or unhealthy anger to make a positive change.

Believe it or not, beneath the anger is a loving and warm hearted person. Manage your anger before anger runs your life. ''Out of control you are at the mercy of your anger...you need a new kind of relationship with your emotions, one where you run them instead of them running you'' MARIA ARAPAKIS. 

Please e-mail or come and see me. I will help you to lift off that pent-up anger and spare your loved ones.

Bereavement

Bereavement or grief, a process through death, loss or separation no matter how it happens can be traumatic, painful and sad. Death or ‘missing persons’ are part of our life experiences. Different cultures and races of people grieve or mourn in different ways. Weeping is a natural physical emotion when we are bereaved or have lost a beloved such as a child, partner or friend. This may be due to an unexpected accident, a long or short illness, or violent attack natural disaster, or suicide. Their loss can cause post traumatic stress as the result of the change in their lives.

There is no 'natural' length of time for grieving, as it can take different stages. For some people it may last for months or sometimes many months or sometimes years depending on how attached they were to the deceased. This feeling is OK. The grieving process can be made up of different phases such as paralysis or numbing, a feeling experienced when the bereaved learns of the death or passing of the loved one. The bereaved may cry out or protest at the news of the late and depart or retreat away from the scene with emotional pain caused by bereavement, or sometimes disability. The last phases are the reorganisation and detachment or separation from the deceased.

Emotional experiences

Anger and bitterness, sometimes directed to themselves or the deceased
Anxiety, sometimes in form of panic attacks
Emptiness, loneliness and isolation
Denial- disbelief that beloved or loved one is no longer there
Guilt- because they feel they could have done more to prevent the death or illness, the cause of death
Withdrawal from immediate family and friends
In couples, intimacy can be difficult when dealing with loss
Numbness, helplessness and shock will manifest when death was still expected

Physical experiences

Tiredness due lack of sleep
Dry mouth, chest pains due to stress
Lack of appetite and sometimes relief especially after the loved one passes away, after suffering from a long illness
Prolonged grieving or mourning can manifest in depression

Therapy

One can benefit from seeking a counsellor or therapist to open up. An Emotionally focused therapist (EFT), lor will mainly focus on the client's loss or bereavement. The counsellor will explore the client's feelings, thoughts and experiences. They will be listened to so that they come to an understanding of what has happened. Person centred counselling and cognitive behavioural therapies can also help the client to come to terms with their loss.

Are you struggling with feelings of anger, guilt and resentment? Do you want to have closure on your grief? I will help you unravel your painful feelings and help you come to terms with it.
 
  

Bipolar

Bipolar or what is sometimes known as borderline personality disorder is a serious personality disorder (BPD). At least 75 percent diagnosed cases are women. The patient may tend to overplay their anguish and helplessness by avoiding their responsibilities, overburdening people close to them. 

Bipolar affects the normal emotional well-being of the patient who fluctuates from euphoria to manic depression. They become more intensely unpredictable in terms of self-image, mood swings and predictability. Their life is distrupted as they cannot predict the future, and normally do not take planning into action as they do not know what their mood will be like next.

Bipolar patients’ manic depressive moods or inconsistent mood swings and thought processes affect people close to them. They find it difficult to know when to empathise with the patient in order to help them. At their happiest the patients may be full of energy, maybe sexual and very sociable, and prone to hysteria.

Diagnosis (These must be pronounced or present in the patient)

Quick to apologise for forgiveness and give reassurances to avoid losing friendships or relationships
Chronic boredom or feelings of emptiness
Suicidal thoughts
Self harm
Unstable and impulsive (random actions)
Unexplained anger and aggressiveness
Unexplained stress and paranoia
Very low self-esteem and self-worth

Other signs

Anti-social behaviour, break the law and will show no remorse
Disruptive – Translate actions of others as threatening and intimidating (trust issues)
Guilt and regretful emotions
Impulse spending
Insomnia or lack of sleep
Manipulative
Tired and out of source
Unexplained or inappropriate anger
Trust issues

Bipolar victims have also been linked to alcohol, drug abuse and gambling. They do so to feel 'high' and to release angry emotions.

Treatment

Bullying

Bullying is caused by someone with the intent to harm or hurt another person subtly or intentionally. Like domestic violence, the perpetrator the victim will know the victim very well. Bullying can take place in different forms such as being shouted at or yelled at, being excluded by peers at school or at work, name calling, being ignored, intimidation, manipulation and any form of anti-social behaviour. The bully will tend to be aggressive with the intention of causing physical or emotional harm to their victim.

Types of bullying

Bullying can take place in a family,(sibling rivalry)
Football playgrounds (stadiums)
In work places
In the school playground
Newspapers (mainly celebrities)
Social net-worksites such as face-book or twitter

Psychological effects

Bullying can have devastating consequences for the victim .They may suffer from the following:
Anxiety and panic attacks
Depression
Low self-esteem, or lack confidence
Paranoia  and stress
Suicide

The main goal for the bully is to shame and make the victim feel belittled. In return, this causes the victim to feel ashamed because they have not tackled the bully. As a result, the victim will suffer much distress and fear causing them to self harm, a sign of winning over the bully. They may also tend to have suicidal thoughts from the trauma of bullying. Carrying out the act can sometimes be fatal. How many times have we read or heard in the news headlines children as young as nine committing suicide due to being bullied?

Taking care of oneself

Bullying behaviour should not be acceptable, full stop!

Are you feeling under pressure to please or feel bullied by someone? You need not suffer in silence. Please drop me an e-mail or phone me for help.
 

Carers/Care Givers

Most of us, in our lives have had an experience of caring or being cared for. Be it for a few hours, days, or weeks. For many, palliative care is provided to those with incurable illnesses such as cancer. Caring can be a  daunting and demanding. It is not an easy task and can be a life changing experience because carers give up their careers and education to give a quality of life to their loved ones. Caring for a terminally ill person such as a child, husband,wife or partner, parent with a disability can be stressful, painful, tiring and mentally draining. But, who supports the carer?

There is not so much emotional support out there. There is an assumption that they are able to cope and have no emotional unmet needs. Consequently, only their emotional and practical needs go unnoticed. Only to surface at the time or during treatment of the patient or around the time of their death.

Effects of long term caring

Anxiety
Isolation or loneliness
Severe stress and pressure
Depression as they anticipate death of their patient or disabled person

Symptoms
Anger
Denial
Sleepless nights
Suicidal thoughts manifest if the carer does not seek help

Seeking help
The care giver needs to take care of themselves when these symptoms start to manifest and seem not to go away. They need to seek help from specialist services such as counselling organisations where there is a counsellor or therapist that they can talk to and respond to their need. Effective counselling methods such as  emotionally focused therapy,person -centred counselling, gestalt therapy, work very well in helping the client. Another effective and productive way is group counselling. Carers can share their experiences and form supportive networks with other carers.

 Need to talk? Do not despair, I will listen to you while you off load your pain and despair .

Child Abuse

In our lifetime many of us may have suffered some form of abuse or maltreatment. Abuse can occur in the form of physical hurt or harm. It can also be emotional or mental abuse when there is cursing or insult done by our closest and dearest. This may have been people we trusted such as parents, guardians, or carers. Abuse is also not far off from bullying and domestic violence as the abuser is always seemingly taking advantage of the victim. The abuser is always overpowering or controlling in their antics.

Consequences

Child abuse like many other types of abuse cause very unpleasant memories and brings with it serious consequences in adulthood. Left for long without seeking help, the victim can suffer from:

Anger issues
Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Obsessive compulsive disorder
Panic attacks
Feelings of isolation leading to paranoia
Low self-esteem
Trust issues
Weight issues

Depending on who the abuser or abusers are, male or female, the victim may sometimes suffer from lack of self-identity, causing confusion in their sexual identity. The adult victims themselves become abusers to their offsprings or children in their care. We hear people in such situations when asked why they have committed such a crime say, 'I was abused when I was young’. It becomes a vicious circle to stop the victim abusing or come to terms with their issues.

Sexually abused or battered victims in childhood, the victims experience difficulties in trusting. The victims also have problems in holding long lasting relationships with partners or relationships in adulthood. It is so important that they seek help in talking therapies such as counselling or therapy before causing self-harm
or injury to themselves or defenceless children.

Treatment

Cognitive behavioural therapy is seen to dramatically help the client. It helps the client not to routinely to focus on negative thoughts, tackles recurrences in flashbacks of child abuse and trauma.

Survivor models that will help the victim be aware, accept that 'yes' they were abused, strive to move on and live a normal life. Emotionally focused therapy, person-centered counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy and gestalt counselling are some of the appropriate methods used by a counsellor or therapist.

As the old saying goes 'children are seen but not heard'….Now is the time to turn back the clock and be heard.  Would it not be great to get your life back and move on? Don't suffer in silence, please get in touch and I will help you.

Couple counselling

Couple counselling

Society is now changing in terms of how we perceive different types of relationships. People believe or expect that they can attain happiness, stability and security if we are in a marriage.

A relationship or marriage can be defined as having a sexual relationship or ‘covenant or contract’ formed by a genuine sexual chemistry, choice and desire. A happy and healthy relationship is where both couples are happy, trust each other and enjoy intimacy together.

However, like many other relationships, marriage is not always a bed of roses. So why may the other half or couple seek therapy?

When problems of communication occur or heated arguments become a form of communicating.
When there is or has been infidelity or a love triangle in the relationship or cheating, cyber-sex or viewing porn online.
Jealousy- when trust is threatened. Here one becomes obsessed that the partner is having an affair. By acting out
The relationship loses immediacy, expressing feelings and closeness ebbs away.
Emotional misunderstanding like blaming each other instead of being civil with each other
Cultural issues – in certain cases in arranged marriages, mixed marriages and polygamy.
Infertility- inability to conceive after more than a year .
Romance and sexual activity has diminished altogether .
Taboos- ‘you will be fed up of sex’ or ‘sex is not for good girls like you’

Psychological issues

Alcohol and drug abuse
Depression
Domestic violence caused by financial issues
Fear of rejection
Loss/ bereavement
Midlife crisis- hormonal changes
Sexual addiction
Performance anxiety or low-self-esteem

Seeking help

It is unusual for the couple to come for therapy when they have both clearly made up their minds to separate or divorce. Seeking therapy will help to end things amicably.

Couple therapy that helps couples overcome their relationship difficulties sexually or not whatever gender. Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT) by  Dr.Sue Johnson, Family Therapy and Sex and Relational Therapy can help couples.

Dementia/ Alzheimers

Dementia, a progressive and chronic brain disease, is mainly associated with elderly people. It is caused by mini strokes, causing the loss of blood supply to the brain. When  this happens, the patient experiences memory loss over a period of time. The patient is likely to suffer other forms of disabilities and illnesses.

Alzheimers, commonly associated with dementia is a condition that affects the brain cells causing memory impairment, speech impairment and personality changes as the patient's behaviour becomes meaningless in their actions. Alzheimers patients can be resentful, angry and difficult to look after. Their life expectancy is not threatened as such, hence making it a heavy burden and long term care commitment for the carers. Some people can have both alzheimers and dementia at the same time. Hiv/Aids related illnesses, alcohol abuse (alcoholic dementia) or a bad head injury, sometimes caused by boxing can cause dementia or memory loss.

Main features of Dementia
Anger
Anxiety
Depression
Guilt
Memory loss
Paranoia
Speech impairment.

Physical features
Incontinence
Malnutrition
Dehydration
Trauma such as fractures
Uncontrolled body shaking especially on the hands. 

Types of Dementia
Creutzfeldt- Jakob Disease (CJD)
Huntingdon' chorea disease
Parkinson's disease.

Medical doctors or general practitioners are the main people who diagnose and look after the patient. Counselling or psychotherapy can help the patient in early stages of alzheimers or dementia and their care giver to deal with emotions such as apathy, anxiety, depression, despair, helplessness and low self-esteem. It is essential to give support to caregivers to understand and be able to communicate with patients with advanced dementia/ alzheimers.

Treatment

At the moment, there is no treatment for alzheimers and dementia, but medication is available to slow it down.
Usage of cognitive tools such as visual imaginary
Old self or family portraits/ photographs
Music they loved to listen to can also help patients

Do you feel disempowered and are helpless? Please contact me and I will listen to you and appreciate the world of alzheimers or dementia. 

Depression

Depression, a mental illness also linked to anxiety has plagued the nation and the world. As much as we are so privileged to have something on our plates and clothing, we  do dip in and out of 'mini depressive 'moods' most of our normal daily lives, most of it goes untreated.

There is no reason to be ashamed or feel alienated because you suffer from depression. People holding good jobs such as doctors, nurses or journalists, celebrities can suffer from depression, too. Depression can affect anybody. Depression becomes a complicated illness if it is not treated as there is no medical test for it.

In prolonged spells of depression the person may feel as though they have been 'enveloped in a deep black hole'. They are also convinced that they or anyone else is powerless to deal with the situation. The person suffering from depression may feel as though there is no 'light at end of the tunnel'. Consequently, the patient may even give up talking about their despair, act as though they did not care about themselves and anything around them.

Signs

'Cannot be bothered' attitude
Always tired due to disturbed sleep pattern
Irritable
loss of appetite or eating less
loss of sexual appetite or libido
Feelings of paranoia
Eating disorders
The person that was normally talkative, cheerful and perky will look sluggish, withdrawn and sometimes tearful
Poor coping mechanism with general life and may feel suicidal 

Causes

Disability
Major events such as death in a family (Loss)
Divorce
Illness
Loss of a job such as redundancy or retirement
Christmas, even though it only lasts for a short spell during the season, is also a common cause of depression

Treatment

Research shows that people are often helped by talking through things and most of the time those on anti-depressants will slowly wean themselves off taking tablets. Talking therapies such Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, (CBT) or self-help based CBT, can treat depression. 

Giving birth to a baby may cause depression, commonly known as 'baby blues' or postnatal depression.

 I can help you see light at the end of the tunnel and enjoy life once again. Don't be in the dark, switch on the light button in you and get in touch with me!

Disability

We live in a world that is obsessed with looks. To be perfectly honest, we are all different in some ways whether we like it or not. We should accept it and that’s a fact. Disability or body impairment and facial disfigurement can happen to anyone at any time, in any one's life. This can be caused during birth, by illness, social activities, environmental issues, or by Mother Nature itself. Having a disability or facial disfigurement can cause the person’s life a challenge in many aspects of everyday life.

Disabilty or disfigurement can cause one not to have an ability to conduct every day to day tasks associated with social activities and personal care. However, most people with disabilities and facial disfigurements will and want to lead just as  normal a life as possible. This is usually when the person has full acceptance of the severity of the disability or facially disfigurement. They learn to have coping mechanisms and a positive outlook bringing a positive impact of developmental skills on the disabled or facial disfigured person.

Reactions

People react differently when they hear the beloved or loved one is disabled or disfigured. A feeling of shock, followed by feelings of denial, such as 'it's a wrong diagnosis' or 'why us?'
Feelings of numbness, helplessness, and confusion of not knowing what to do as regards to what adjustments are needed
Not knowing how they will cope financially and physically

Challenges

Abuse such as bullying at school or at work
Discrimination because they are disabled or have a facial disfigurement
Endless embarrassing repetitive questions wherever they go
Isolation because of difficulties in forging long term relationships
Loss of identity and personal independence 
Prejudice in form of ridicule and rudeness
Stared at inappropriately or curiously

Emotional issues

Confidence, self-esteem, sense of worth is affected
Early bereavement or loss by a parent, partner or carer can be experienced
Post traumatic stress disorder
Suicidal thoughts

Physical Issues

Constant pain
Physical abuse
Self-harm by cutting themselves

Psychological and social challenges

Early bereavement to the disabled person if death is imminent or where disability is likely to cause premature death 

Loss of a limb, sight or  a ‘perfect face’ may sometimes mean loss of earnings
Anger towards the social system for neglect unfair attitude towards them
Mental stress may manifest itself in the disabled person and the care giver

Importance of therapy

Counselling can be beneficial to the disabled person to come to terms with their condition as this may include resolving personal issues. Online and telephone therapy is ideal as it serves as a bridge to the disabled persons geographical, physical and psychological isolations. For the caregivers, it is economical and reassuring that they may not leave the disabled person to go for therapy.


Therapy plays an important part for the disabled person and their care givers to make sense and be able to deal with their emotions or thoughts. It also helps the client and care giver attain helpful skills to manage the disability.

Cognitive behavioural therapy, person-centred counselling, gestalt therapy, couple or group counselling can help with coping better with demands both experienced by the disabled person or the care giver.

Feeling isolated and in despair? Please do not hesitate to get in touch either in person, by e-mail or by phone thank you.

 

Domestic Violence/Sexual Abuse

Domestic violence is experienced in a relationship. People commonly relate to domestic violence as the man being the main perpetrator. However, this is partly not true as there is an increase in women being violent and aggressive to their partners. The man can also be a victim of domestic violence.

Types of domestic violence

Physical- Domestic violence can be from sexual abuse in a relationship to physical abuse such as wife/man beating, burning, biting, kicking or pushing, pulling hairs and spitting on the victim.

Emotional Abuse – Constant verbal abuse such as ‘you are no good’, ‘fat cow’ … Never doing the right thing and always put down in the presence of friends to cause embarrassment or shame to the victim. The victim is ‘barred’ from seeing friends, relatives or family.

Stalking- The victim may be physically stalked or through social networks such as face-book or twitter. By phone texting threatening messages or silence calls.

Financial issues- in this current state of recession the victim may be denied access to their money in the form of social benefits, wages or salary.

Sexual abuse- happens when a partner is raped because they do not consent to sex, or harming the other partner with sex toys during lovemaking. Long term sexual abuse can cause one to lose interest in sex, has a lasting impact with trust issues and relationship problems on the victim. Pornography being forced upon the partner to enact or watch or spoken to in a derogative or degrading manner.

Causes

Addiction-alcohol, drugs, porn
Angry over trivial things
Family breakdown- separation from parents and siblings in early life
Experienced  domestic or sexual  abuse at an early age from care givers or parents

Consequences

Prolonged bouts of domestic violence may cause severe depression
Homicide- every three minutes a spouse will murder their partner
Shame- past experiences
Anxiety or panic attacks
Denial
Guilt
Stress
Suicidal thoughts experienced by the victim
Relationship and family break-down such as divorce or children taken into care

Treatment

Men who have suffered domestic violence may seemingly take longer to seek help than women because they feel they will be not believed or feel ashamed and traumatised by the experience. On the other hand, women will stay in the relationship because of fear of financial loss or children.

When there is a breakdown in relationship due to various reasons, it is best to seek help in anger management and couple counselling. Both emotional and mental abuse can be equally damaging to the person and therefore help such as counselling is very helpful as the person is able to talk through their issues. In some instances, sex therapy is advisable.

I have worked with people in abusive relationships. I am passionate in helping such clientele. Understandably, sometimes it is not easy to leave an abusive relationship or situation.

Do you feel dominated and restrained? Emotionally battered and searching for freedom? Please break the abuse cycle, get in touch with me, no matter how you feel safe.

Eating Disorders

It is no secret in Western countries or society, there is plenty of food but people are still bombarded by the media, magazines, and newspapers with slim bodies of celebrities perceived to be beautiful. Like bullying, eating disorders are all about self -esteem. 'If I lose another pound or two I will look good’. Be in control of myself, people will look at me and like me…. and so on. We either bully ourselves knowingly or unconsciously into eating too much or less than the required calories.

There are three main types  of eating disorders. These being bulimia, anorexia, and obesity .All three are psychocologically  related. Anything, from abuse to  mental problems or issues can trigger one into one of the categories.

Anorexia Nervosa- A condition where a patient lives in denial, believing that they are fat even if they are normal weight. The patient will constantly watch their weight by constantly controlling the intake of food and weighing themselves on scales. They are obsessed with calorie counting, exercising especially if they are dancers or athletes.

Bulimia nervosa- The patient feels that they are unable to control the intake of food and therefore, feel guilty and disgusted with the intake. They 'lose it' by putting down fingers to vomit the food or physically take laxatives to purge it.

Binge eating or Obesity- The patient may tend to over- eat out of control in a discrete period of time but will have no desire to vomit or purge the food. Eating disorder sufferers can be secret eaters for fear of being ridiculed. They also feel guilty and bad about themselves after the act. 

Drunk-Anorexia

This is a new wave to describe the growing trend of young women who swap or skip meals for a bottle alcohol. Research is ongoing, to ascertain how bad the trend is at the moment.

Causes

Anxiety- bullied by peers beacause of the way they look or appear
Control issues -a lack or out of control in obesity
Depression usually compounded with negative thoughts
Gender issues- lack of acceptance and acceptance
Obsessed with being ‘in-control’ in anorexic or bulimic patients
Painful emotions such as abused as a child, (emotional or sexual)
Lack of confidence or self-esteem, self -belief
Stress- patients tend to eat more to ‘fill’ their emotional distress

Negative outward perception with patients with eating disorders is that the ‘thin’ ones are cold and stingy. On the other-hand however, they can be high achievers and competitive such as ballerinas, sportsmen and women. Whereas ‘fat’ patients are seen as greedy and lazy, and ugly.

Behaviours and consequences

Anger issues
Aggressiveness
Fear
Guilt
Jealousy
Self- harming

Immune system is affected. For girls, periods or menstruation stops
Hair loss
Brittle bones
Loss of teeth

Treatment

Art therapy
Group counselling
Cognitive therapy
Person- Centred counselling

 

Gender

 

Sexual gender identities or sexual minorities, bisexual, homosexuals, lesbians and transvestites, although different in their own right fall under one umbrella, the ‘kink or gay’ community. Often, people who are very angry and suppress their emotions for various reasons tend to experience mixed feelings regarding their sexuality. They may feel out touch with their feelings causing them to feel angry for being different. The lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender may be angry because of living in denial of self-acceptance. As a result live a life of  ‘split’ existence.

Experiences

LGBT groups will experience a feeling of social isolation due to discrimination, gay men with problems with erectile function and prejudice, causing pain and heartache to feelings of depression, self -loathing, and low self-esteem.

The gay person, lesbian or bisexual person will tend to misuse drugs, alcohol to ease the pain they are going through. A homosexual, lesbian or bisexual may sometimes feel they can no longer cope with their feelings.  The LGBT group will or may have at one point or throughout their lives experienced rejection and harassment from families, work and the social community at large.

Psychological Feelings

Anxiety
Depression
Guilt
Trust issues Feeling shame
Panic Attacks
Physical emotions
Body- dimorphic
Fear of homophobic abuse and bullying
Fear of being at risk of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS
Weight issues
Self- disclosure or 'coming out'
Self- harm and very often ending up committing suicide as a way of 'acting out'.

Therapy

If the client is feeling isolated and pushed to the limit to fit into society, they may well present their problems in personal or emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFT) , person- centred and cognitive behavioural therapy can help the client.

Presenting issues

Gay, lesbian or bisexual clients are self-conscious with their image or body image
How they present themselves dress wise
Their tone of voice and speech
Pressure from peer groups to behave in a certain way
Self-disclosure as part of intimacy, discrimination and homophobic taunts from the community
Fear of 'coming out ' especially when they come from ethnic minorities for fear of being disowned
by family

Feeling sad and fearful? Let me know, we can talk about it.

                           

HIV / AIDS

AIDS/ HIV, sometimes, known as the 'slim' disease, is one of the diseases that invariably has killed a lot of people globally, especially in the subcontinents of most Sub-Saharan Africa, Asia, and America in the 1980s.  Once dubbed a disease for homosexual men, it is no longer true, heterosexuals or anyone can be infected through no
fault of their own, carelessness or ignorance.

Transmission

Contaminated blood is another fast way of transmitting the disease. Doctors, dentists and nurses can be at risk because they can get it through surgery, assisting births in mothers. Haemophiliacs and soldiers on a battlefield, sometimes, are accidentally infected through contaminated blood transfusion.

Hiv /Aids is simply transmitted efficiently through promiscuous sex of any kind. Vaginal or anal intercourse is an extremely easy way of transmitting the Hiv/Aids virus
which spreads from one person to the other.

Body piercing and tattoos because the virus can still live for 30 minutes if the ink is not changed
Carelessness – not taking responsibility of oneself. ‘I loved him’ or ‘I trusted her’
Cultural beliefs- having unprotected sex with a minor believing that they will be ‘cleansed’.
Drugs- exchange of infected needle amongst infected drug users
Prison- sexual activities are banned (condoms are forbidden in prison), but it happens amongst inmates who do not know they have it
Rape- victims raped by infected persons

Psychological Emotions

Patients living with Hiv/Aids upon diagnosis may suffer from shock and disbelief because of the stigma it carries
Frustrated with the Hiv/Aids as it feels like a ‘death sentence’ due to no cure or vaccine
Low self-esteem and burdened with immense guilt
Chronic depression due to fear and anticipation of what will be in their last days of life
Fear of loss of dignity sets in as repeated episodes of illness set in and a feeling of helplessness to overcome the situation.
Anxiety may prevail due to not kowing how ill they will become.

Physical Emotions

Discrimination in school or work
Loss is a major factor both to the Partner/ Carer of the patient suffering from Aids/Hiv.
Loss of their own mortality (patient)
Loss of   independence in the last days of the illness
Loss of earnings especially if the patient is the bread winner
Physical fatigue as the illness may take its toll on the care giver/partner as it tends to be a long illness
Some patients may also experience loss of memory dementia or confusion, Aids/Hiv clients can go through extreme emotions of feeling suicidal.

Social factors

Discrimination-, Institutional   or social; discrimination,
Stereotyping-   A black African person's disease           
Social Stigmatisation- Access to care and quality of care

Seeking Help

Taking prescribed medication as well as talking through issues with a therapist or counsellor who has good knowledge about the Hiv /Aids infection.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), person centred counselling or gestalt counselling will help. The counsellor  will talk it through with the patient without being judged.

 

Low Self Esteem/Anxiety

sad women

Self-esteem normally starts from home or a place where we have been brought up. It is how we are raised and how we feel about ourselves. However, our self-esteem or confidence can be knocked down during our school years by bullying in the school yard.

When growing up our self-esteem can also be knocked down by our care givers such as parents, teachers talking down to us like' you are no good'.

Finding ourselves being knocked down during the years can live us emotionally or mentally scarred. Therefore, we need to build ourselves by affirming and having a self belief within ourselves. We need to tell ourselves 'Yes I can!' Or 'I am good' and 'I am worth it! Believe it or not, this may sound daft but it is true.

Causes

Low self-esteem or lack of confidence in ourselves start from not loving ourselves and lack of belief in ourselves.
Anxiety
Trauma
Issues trust issues
Jealousy issues-relationship problems
Insecure within self especially people with body image
They are gripped with doubtful thoughts that eat away their confidence

Features

It is easy to make someone feel miserable while they are in a state of feeling so low and vulnerable. Low self- esteem or lack of confidence can destroy relationships. When we don't feel worthy, we cannot love ourselves. It is like, how can we love ourselves or others if we are so negative? If for example someone says they love us, we resent it.

One of the common remarks that are self-limiting are an inner voice within us telling us 'that does not apply to me. Audibly we may say 'I don't believe it!' Or it's too good to be true! With such limitation, the confidence soon ebbs away.

Of course, there are times when we get frightened, and the feeling of lack of confidence and low self- esteem forms the foundation of the comfort zone. When we stay for long in this comfort zone, we then begin to feel depressed. This is time to seek help and start to build up your self-esteem.

Treatment

Expressive and reflective writing therapy will help make sense of ways to regain and maintain the wellbeing of the patient or client. Person Centred Counselling, which views clients as self healers will enable clients to build a trusting relationship quickly. Cognitive therapy will help them turn away from negative thoughts. In confidence coaching, the coach will work with the client to build up their confidence in any aspect of their lives.

Do you feel not confident enough in making relationships or feel at the lowest point of the dumps?
Please contact
us...

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

At some point most of us in our lives have gone through some form of anxiety and fear that we have not locked our house or car and would have checked twice or three times over to make sure we had. This is normal, but if it is more than ten to thirty times then there is a problem.

Obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD, is a mental disorder characterised by intrusive repetitive thoughts and compulsive distressing thoughts causing the patient great anxiety in order to remove the uncertainty or it's something you have to do.

Both men and women can suffer from it from an early age of four to adolescence and adulthood. OCD can be genetic or can be caused by abnormal circuit in the brain. It is not a pleasurable disorder as it is time consuming, distressing and dilapidating.

Other Causes

Anxiety
Domestic Violence
Loss
Sexual abuse/rape
Post trauma stress disorder (PTSD)

Common disorders and compulsions

Fear of contamination- washing hands over and over again or constant cleaning hours on end 
Particular way of touching or picking things when shopping
Fear of harming someone- Constant checking when driving
New mothers may have constant thoughts of harming the newly-born
Social embarrassment- making sure that that you are properly dressed / hair is perfectly combed 
Lining things such as socks or tinned or canned foods, cds/ dvds or videos, in a particular way
Compulsive shopping and hoarding
Intrusive sexual thoughts

Emotional issues

Depression
Eating disorders
Guilt
Shame

Physical issues

Annoying or frustrating (Exhausting)
Isolation
Distressing to family and friends
Loss on lasting relationships
Time consuming, hence missing out education or losing a job due to the lengthy rituals that have to be done

Mis–diagnosis

OCD can sometimes be misdiagnosed as having autism, anxiety disorder, psychosis or phobia. It is different from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, (OCPD).

Patients with OCPD have rigid and inflexible rules or morals. They tend to be focused, scheduled, organised and have a great chance to succeed in what ever they take up. They can be sometimes, overly clean and tidy.

Treatment

Successful talking therapies such as Emotionally focused therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure and response preventiion (ERP),  a therapy that gets the patient to face their fears and establish coping mechanisms, together with medication can help treat the patient.

In extreme cases, OCD can also be treated by therapy called Deep Brain Stimulation— a stimulation of abnormal brain cells to break the cycle.

Is OCD ruining your life? Feel as though people are making a joke out of  OCD? E-mail, text or ring me for help, thank you.

Old Age

old men

Whether we like it or not, some of us will age at one point. No matter how hard we deny it, one day we will become wrinkled and frail. We can have the best plastic surgeon or technology to reverse our ageing such as the looks of Joan Rivers, Sharon Osbourne or Sheer, the singer. The fact is that they will eventually age. There is no drug or cream on the market that can reverse the process of ageing. End of.

As we are aware now, a baby born today is likely to live up to hundred years. As the old age advances, there will be a lot of baggage a person will carry along. People tend to have a lot of frustration and sense of loss causing them to be under a lot of emotional stress.

The most common cause of stress in old age is caused by the not knowing what will to happen their finances and family security. Health issues may be also a concern. As the person grows older, many illnesses manifest such as:

Alzheimers
Arthritis
Cholesterol
Cancer
Dementia
Diabetes
Heart disease
Osteoporosis
Strokes

Physical

Disability -due to arthritis, ostoeporoisis or stroke
Blindness or poor sight
Deafness

Women experience menopause, this is when their periods become irregular or stop altogether. They also experience flushes which can be a nuisance especially at night when they can cause night sweats, leading to sleepless nights. Women will also experience vaginal dryness which makes sex very uncomfortable or painful in women. 

Loss of a partner (widowhood). For the spouse left behind, there is a feeling of despair or of 'partial death.' They may also have experienced other deaths of many beloved ones such as children, friends and relatives.
Retirement or loss of a job means reduced or loss of earnings or limited income. The old person experiences loneliness. The client may also experience depression and  feelings of hopelessness.

Behaviours

Anxiety
Confusion or getting muddled up
Guilty feelings of un-accomplishment for past failings prevail
Inability to make sound decisions or solve problems
Mood swings due to lack of sleep caused by hot flushes in women
Remembering things accurately
Shame (lack of independence  and dignity)

Fear of isolation, a difficult emotion to handle becomes a reality. The old person despairs of what will happen when they become more dependent on others or carers. The old person, will also worry about what will happen to them when the time comes when, they cannot look after themselves. With all these stresses, it becomes bereavement overload, which can lead to severe depression.

Inability to handle their finances maybe due to ill health or mental state is the main contributory factors to the old person's psychological stress.

Substance misuse such as alcohol is common in old people. They may use it to 'help' themselves forget the loss of their partner, friend or relative. They may sometimes self harm or have suicidal intentions...'We have been married for many years, I cannot live without him or her'.

Help

The person may need emotional support from family for emotional strength. When they start experiencing repetitive feelings of anger within themselves or to others. Professional help such as counselling may help to talk through things. As a counsellor or therapist, I will relate aging to a life span perspective and will empower you as the older person.    
   

 

Panic Attacks

kid Ghost

An anxiety or panic attack is what most of us have in every day life. It can be described as having an over-sensitive fire alarm in our bodies that goes off unnecessarily in a non- threatening situation or where there is no real danger. The feeling does not last for a long time. Most of us will have had a few anxiety or panic attacks in the last six months or so. They may not have affected our normal daily life. However, If you keep on having them every now and then, and are happening for a long time, affecting your normal every day life, then alarm bells should be ringing to seek help medical help.

Symptoms

An anxiety
Clammy or sweaty hands
Irritability
Fast heart beat or irregular heart rhythm
Paranoia

There are some people with an irregular heart rhythm, this does not mean the are having a anxiety or panic attack. It may just be a medical condition. A person having a panic attack will normally feel as though their throat is closing in and have difficult in breathing. They may also feel as though they are going to pass out or die.

Prolonged anxiety or panic attacks lead to one having phobias. Patients suffering from anxiety or panic attacks are not stupid or acting silly needing to pull themselves together. They are as normal as those patients suffering from depression or tourettes.

Treatment

Using talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy, person centred counselling  and gestaltal therapy will help. Telephone or Online counselling is also effective.

I will listen and help you understand and discuss with you certain factors in your life that trigger your anxiety or panic attacks. Stay cool, ring me or e-mail me, thanks.

Phobias

kid spider

We all suffer from some sort of panic attack through our lives and it is normal. Prolonged panic attacks can lead to one having a phobia, triggered by a specific event or stimulus. Our nervous system and the brain is made up to respond to 'flight or fight' reflexes to prepare us to protect ourselves from what we may perceive as a threat to us. Adrenalin is pumped in the nervous system in readiness to defend ourselves in times of danger. The commonest phobias for example, are fear of the dentist (Dentalphobia), fear of spiders, (Arachnophobia), or fear of heights or flying (Acrophobia).

A phobia can affect anyone and is a natural reaction of avoiding something we are fearful of. It only becomes a nuisance when it takes up our lives. Phobias can keep us off or withdraw us from doing things we would normally do.

Symptoms

The patient feels as if they are on the edge, very anxious and fearful
Irritable and tense
Chest discomfort and nausea
Palpitations and feelings of suffocation as if they were going to die
Sweaty palms and itching,
Trembling and restlessness

Psychological problems

Anger
Anxiety and fear
Depression
Low self-esteem
Obsessive and compulsive
Shame and guilt
Substance misuse

Physical Problems

Restricted life
Isolation
Ridicule
Stigmatisation

Treatment

Treatment of phobias can be through psychotherapy or counselling. The therapist will use different techniques to help you visualise and reset the 'alarm' that keeps on triggering without any cause, a helpful part of overcoming a panic attack and phobias.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT is very successful in helping the patient in taking risks of facing their panic or fears. Another technique is called graduated therapy, where the counsellor or therapist will help you deal with the phobia inducing situation, imagining or reality until the patient is able to cope and control their anxiety.

Online and telephone counselling are also beneficial. Group work is also good for people suffering from panic attacks because they are able to meet people suffering from the same and are able to share
same feeling and coping strategies.

Is anxiety and fear dictating or running your life? Do you feel isolated and missing out on life?
You are a phone call or click away to getting back in control of your life. Please text, email or ring me, thanks.

 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post traumatic stress disorder or (PTSD), so different from any other mental illnesses, is diagnosed when the patient had an external event such as a profound shock, serious injury, near death experience as if it was in the here and now.

Post traumatic stress disorder is  commonly related to soldiers or people who have suffered traumatic experiences such as domestic violence, horrific accident, illness, war and migration or experience of natural disasters such as, drought, hurricanes, floods, and  tsunamis.

Another type of disorder, similar to post traumatic stress disorder is Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder, (STSD), caused by fatigue or ‘burn out’ due to long term caring for others. The person will experience fatigue and helplessness in the process.

Symptoms

The patient may suffer from mental disorders due to repeated flash back of thoughts or memories or dreams, of the event and stays with them for most of their lives.
Avoidance or numbing- avoiding events or activities that would trigger memories

Psychological problems

Anxiety-or panic attacks
Unexplained anger
Guilt
Misuse of drugs and alcohol
Irritability
Insomnia
Depression or withdrawn, not wanting to enjoy things they previously enjoyed
Phobias
Poor or bad parenting
Relationship or bonding problems
Self harm or Suicidal

Groups of people likely to suffer from PTSD/ STSD

Carers
Dentists
Doctors or General Practioners
Emergency staff
Fire-fighters
Funeral directors
Prison workers
Police officers
Refugees/Asylum seekers
Secondary school teachers
War veterans

Therapy 

Emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFT), EDMR, emotional freedom therapy (EFT), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), art therapy, emotionally family focused therapy (EFFT) and humanistic therapies can be helpful.

Keeping a journal of what triggers your repetitive thoughts and or memories is vital to piece together what happened and make sense of the event can be helpful too.

 

Self Harm

Self harm

Self harming can be a of form actively cutting with sharp objects, burning, punching and to poisoning oneself. It can also be caused by deliberately causing harm by neglect or failure to take care. The patient may feel emotionally detached from themselves, numb and ‘out of it’ before the act, feeling no physical pain when self harming, then feeling relieved and more in tune after the act.

Self-harmers believe that sight of blood brings comfort and a form of healing or release from tension. They also believe they are in control of the situation, making them feel better that they are able to cope with their issues.

All ages can actively engage in self harming. However, shocking statistics suggest that children as young as 11 to 19 year olds are self harming, mostly girls. The belief that self harming is exclusively among girls is not true. Boys conceal their self harming better than girls. Society and the media sometimes, label patients as ‘attention seekers’.

Types of self harm

Repetitive or compulsive - (obsessive compulsive disorders)
Deliberate and spontaneous- (alcohol and drug abuse)
Fashionable and socially acceptable – (piercings, tattoos and unnecessary cosmetic surgery)
Carelessness and recklessness with self- (Sleeping with someone they know has a sexually transmitted disease)
Deliberate and ritualistic (Eating disorders)

Causes
Long term depression
Borderline personality disorder
Poor interpersonal and social problem skills
Hopelessness and self loathing behaviour
Post traumatic stress disorder

Treatment

Humanistic approaches such Emotionally focused therapy (EFT), person centred, gestalt and solution focused counselling help. Cognitive behavioural therapy and group-based problem therapy is effective in patients who self -harm through cutting, or deliberate self poisoning.  

Are you depressed, struggling with decisions? Don’t feel alone, please ring or email me to help you see light at the end of the tunnel, thanks.
.

Sexual Issues/Intimacy Disorder

Sex can be good fun in a healthy relationship and is a significant part of the individual’s identity and a couple's relationship. However, in this day and age, people are experiencing a lot stress due to pressure of work and seemingly working long hours. As a result the pleasures of sex are put aside.

Symptoms of a Sexual dysfunction

Low or absent sexual desire or arousal
Failure to reach an orgasm
Erectile problems
Females, they may experience pain in penetrative sex, (Vaginismus)
Premature ejaculation in males

Physical Causes

Trauma- The patient may have experienced a violent sexual attack such as rape or 
Sexual abuse in childhood
Genital mutilations, mainly females (female circumcision)
Vaginal dryness, caused by menopause due to low oestrogen
Painful sexual intercourse sometimes, known as Dyspareunia can be caused by ovarian cysts, fibroids and endometriosis.
Prostate pain due to enlargement of the prostate gland
Broken penis

Psychological causes

Depression
Fear and anxiety- past experiences resonating in the here and now
Panic attack brought about by trauma
Stress

Treatment

It is vital to look for an experienced sex therapist along side medical help. A combination of  traditional counselling and psychotherapy such as Emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFT), which will focusing what is going on in your relationship, accompanied by homework addressing the sexual problem  will help the patient to be motivated to change and prevent relapse. Yoga and exercise is good. An occasional massage will help loosen up muscles and help relax both mind and body.
 

Stress

Stress nowadays has a negative connotation attached to it. However, we need some form of stress to function in our everyday or our daily lives. We need stress to simply get up in the morning. Without it we would not function. We would simply collapse and flop.

The bad stress is the one that we cannot cope with. Things tend to fall apart when we are stressed and we do not seem to be coming or going. Everyone is different. What one may think is stress the other may not. By accepting it, you will then begin to think of ways of how to reduce the stress .You will begin to move from being stressed to being less stressed.

Types of stress

Caring related
Exam related
Work related
Sport related

Signs

Aggressive behaviour
Breathing faster than normal
Hasty or delayed decision making leading to accidents or mistakes
Uptight with any slight problem
Voice becomes louder high pitched
Moody and snappy
Mouth tightens and hair is raised
Frowning for no reason

Causes

Fear to ask for help – ‘Can manage' attitude
Lack of time management – ‘still plenty of time’
Lack of delegation skills,-not assertive
Loss of control- poor time management
Loss of finance- domestic violence
Too much to handle- no help at all

Consequences

The simplest safety precaution or tasks are ignored- carelessness
Skip main meals- make oneself to feel better
Eat unhealthily – snacking on crisps and chocolates
Smoke and drink heavily- to block the stress away
Lethargy due to lack of sleep

Long term stress

If stress is not controlled it may interfere with everyday normal life and physical bodies. If not treated, stress can cause serious health problems such as alzheimers, dementia, strokes, heart attacks, and sometime stomach ulcers, though it has not been scientifically proven.

Therapy

Brief therapy, coaching, cognitive behavioural therapy and gestalt person centred counselling, brief focused counselling will treat the stress.

 Feeling overloaded with work pressure? Cannot make decisions? Be your own director of your life. It is never too late. Rise above the pressure by getting in touch with us to talk over things that concern you and put your life into perspective.

Suicide

Suicide is a thought process or behaviour that exists in a person with an extreme mental illness wanting to end their own life (suicide ideation) by formulating a plan, which sometimes can be fatal, (attempted suicide) to taking their own life (suicide). It is difficult to know why a person would like to commit or attempt to commit suicide. However, the person's thought process may be that they can no longer see 'light at the end of the tunnel'. They are blinkered with a mind that there is no one who can help them find a solution to their emotional trauma, hurt or pain.

The suicidal person usually feels isolated and lonely. They are full of sadness, hopelessness and helplessness. With such feelings the person becomes desperate to help themselves instead. A cry for help, they may say things like 'I am fed up with life and can't carry on living', or 'I feel I am a burden to people and just want to end it all'...

Sometimes, the suicidal person will tend to be all of a sudden 'very kind', acting recklessly, giving away their most liked possessions on impulse. They may also tend to lose interest  in what they like doing and withdrawing from family and friends.

Likely causes

Addiction such as alcohol and drug abuse
Bullying
Being held in custody
'Copy cat' suicides of a famous icon hyped by the media
Debt and unemployment
Exam pressure
Family or relational breakdown
Severe Depression such as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
The opposite is that they may be recovering from depression and have the energy or motivation to attempt the act.

Aftermath

Suicide always comes as a shock to family and friends. It leaves them with feelings of guilt and 'unfinished' business. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye'. Or, 'I wish, I was with them, I would have stopped  it'.

Seeking help

The value of therapy or counselling for people affected with suicide cannot be under-estimated. It will help you understand your despair 'in the tunnel of darkness' and hopefully, you will have an understanding of what is going on in your painful journey of life.

Are you feeling alone and in despair? Feeling sad and stuck in life? Or, have been affected with suicide of a beloved one and not coping? Fear not, get in touch with me and I will be there to listen without being judgemental, thank you.

 

Work Related Issues

work issue

Work or occupational conflict is a negative feeling towards work. More than half of the British work force experience work stress, experience mental health problems and take long term sick because of this. The cost of work stress and days lost due to absenteeism cannot go unnoticed.

Occupational stress will vary from job to job. The most stressful jobs are financial institutions such as working ‘in the City’, paramedics, medical professions such as doctors and nurses, fire-fighting, teaching, policing, military, social workers, public sector and prison officer jobs.

There are many reasons as to why one may feel this way:

Bullying
Discrimination
Harassment
Juggling work and family life (care duties)
Long working hours
Work overload
Whistle blowing

Symptoms

Chronic fatigue
Increase irritability
Poor decision making skills
Lack of sleep or insomnia
Withdrawn and tearful
Long absences from work
Confusion and deliberate mistakes

Emotional

Anxiety
Low self-esteem
Panic attacks
Severe or clinical depression

Seeking Help

Counselling such as brief solution therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, person centred counselling and coaching, are effective. 
Feeling under pressure and worried about your job prospects? Please do not stop there. Pick the phone or email us.

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